Homosex in English as a foreign language teaching

Now at Amazon

Just came across my little volume in the Amazon.co.uk catalogue. Wow. That's cool.

Every Good Boy Deserves Fruit

Ok, so it's only been a decade in the making, but thanks in no small part to Lulu.com, my very own soap opera, Every Good Boy Deserves Fruit, is now published as an ebook. The paper copy is coming very soon.


I originally wrote it to use as the basis of an e-learning course, but like so many projects, the 90% perspiration was never quite there to bring it to fruition.

It's set in the lovely Czech city of Brno, and includes a romantic excursion to Vienna. There is a healthy mix, or an unhealthy one, some might say, of Czechs and ex-pats engaged in all sorts of business activities and not all of them involve money exchanging hands. Sometimes it's the hands exchanging that makes it a bit steamy at times.

Bear in mind that it was written for gay guys learning English as a foreign language, not as an attempt on great literature. This also explains why each chapter begins with some vocabulary and cultural notes.

Anyway, the boys are lying in wait for you at Lulu, should such a read take your fancy. And if you are only interested in it for the cover picture, well, I can't blame you. He's a little hottie for sure. Let me know and I'll pass on your compliments.

How to blend in the Gaybourhood

What sort of word is Gayborhood? I just came across it in this article from DanNation.org. Wikipedia's article on Gay Village more or less answers the question, tho the reader is warned, This article has multiple issues. Before I begin my next rant,  encyclopaedia articles are expected to be focussed on a single-issue, not multiple issues. This leads me to think that issue is being used differently. And as Jimmy Wales implores us to Please help us improve it, one can only suspect that issues is negative. Never mind the big scary exclamation mark accompanying his warning. 



Since when did issues have negative connotations? Why has it become a euphemism for problem? Are we unwilling to admit that there is a problem, so we impoverish our language by appropriating one word to mean another? When, in modern parlance, does problem mean problem, issue mean issue and issue mean problem? I take issue with this realignment: I suspect that the phrase to take issue with something, having long existed in the language, paved the way for this usage shift. We only take issue with negative things.


And when we see that something is the cause of somebody's issues, we can be sure it's negative. Why? Because English uses cause for negative things. Have a look at this list - pretty convincing, huh? The following sentences would be a pretty ironic uses of cause, don't you think?
* I was just wondering what the cause of your happiness is? 
* What caused you to pass your exam?


He caused me so much joy that I decided that I wanted us to live together.
Really! And are you?
My dear. We are sooooo living together. But it's not always easy, you know. You know what he's like. I love him so much but some of his attitudes cause a great deal of confusion at times. And his druggy twin caused us a lot of pain. He caused so many difficulties for everyone around him. 
[dot dot dot or blah-di-blah-di-blah or yadayadayada, as you wish.]
And how's life in the Gaybourhood?
Well, it's faaaaaabulous of course. I mean like it's hottie central, especially during the more clement seasons when their cut offs are so well, cut off, that ... Even the older guys are cause for concern. These ole boys have really looked after themselves. And there's no way they'd show off like this outside the gaybourhood.
Splashing out on tangelos at brunch in the gaybourhood may seem a bit ditsy or even prissy, but rest assured, all the main words in this sentence are blends, a.k.a. portmanteau words, you know: breakfast + lunch = brunch, smoke + fog = smog. More at Montgomery College.

Long live the gaybourhood and all who sail in her.

Smoke, lilies and jade

here was the cafeteria...it was almost as though it had journeyed to meet him...the night was so blue...how does blue feel...or red or gold or any other color...if colors could be heard he could paint most wondrous tunes...symphonious... think... the dulcet clear tone of a blue like night...of a red like pomegranate juice...like Edith’s lips...of the fairy tones to be heard in a sunset...like rubies shaken in a crystal cup...of the symphony of Fania...and silver...and gold...he had heard the sound of gold...but they weren’t the sounds he wanted to catch...no... they must be liquid...not so staccato but flowing variations of the same caliber...there was no one in the cafe as yet...he sat and waited...

Richard Bruce Nugent 's prose composition in FIRE!!, "Smoke, Lilies and Jade," has the distinction of being the first published work written from an explicitly homosexual perspective by a black author.

Fry & Laurie - Language Discussion - 'Gay'

what we do with our belts

Most of the verbs on the left of belt are concerned with undoing the said item. On the right side of said item, we start to get an idea of the consequences of the said undoing.

Fairytale = fairy's tail

An appropriate winner for perverted sodomite-infested Euro-fag Eurovision.

This outstanding piece of homophobia comes from someone called Atossa here.
It is obvious from the title of this posting, also from the talented pen of Atossa, that he has such a gift for the written word that he recognises what a tosser he really is.
The impetus for the cited posting concerned Alexander Rybak's sexuality. So here's a somewhat more raw version of his winning fairy tale with a mere 29,748 viewings at the time of writing.

We two boys together clinging

A fine piece about gay sensibility from none other than the Guardian (UK).

Do you recognise this title? It's the opening of a poem by Walt Whitman, a well-known homosexualist poet from the end of nineteenth century USA. Click here for Gay history's long piece about our forefather.

The picture is one of David Hockney's.

And here's what all the fuss is about - a compact little piece that packs it's own quiet punch.

WE two boys together clinging,
One the other never leaving,
Up and down the roads going—North and South excursions making,
Power enjoying—elbows stretching—fingers clutching,
Arm’d and fearless—eating, drinking, sleeping, loving,
No law less than ourselves owning—sailing, soldiering, thieving, threatening,
Misers, menials, priests alarming—air breathing, water drinking, on the turf or the sea-beach dancing,
Cities wrenching, ease scorning, statutes mocking, feebleness chasing,
Fulfilling our foray.

Walt Whitman (1819–1892). Leaves of Grass. 1900.

Cunning linguist

Thinking caps on?
Ian's got his firmly on.

Now, what gender is they in these random sentences?

• Have you ever auditioned for someone and they pulled out the casting couch?
• If you give something to someone, they have a relationship to you.
• No sooner do you begin to get intrigued by someone than they head uptown, falling off the edge of the known simulation.
• Is there someone special in your life? There is, but they don’t live in this country.

The last of these sentences was reported in the Australian paper The Sunday Telegraph in July 2008. My thanks to Mark Umbach's entry in Connexion. I was alerted to Mr. Thorpe's wily turn of phrase in this podcast from America's Outsports where they discuss the Thorpedo's announcement that threre is a new significant other in his life- so signficant in fact, that he opts for the somewhat ...

amibuous

non-commital

enigmatic

... they/them instead of he/his or her/hers. Is he unsure of his new SO's gender or is gleefully toying with those curious about his sexuality?

It's too late for sponsors to drop him, if that's what he's worried about. And worry one should. The latest Olpymic acquatic wonderboy from Down Under, who had no qualms about revealing his sexuality, does appear to have suffered a dearth of sponsorship. Please note that revealing his sexuality here, is in no way meant to suggest that he has announced to the world that he is straight. Quite the opposite.

Will Davis' "My Side of the Story" a gay novel

Will Davis - My Side of the Story - Books & Poetry - Book Review - Time Out London

Just finished reading it on the very very crappy train from Budapest. Horror. Anyway, the book, the book. Intensely annoying use of and I'm like ... and and he goes ... and LIC GAS and the truncated time and money saving SMSs, blah blah balh, but on the other hand screamingly funny in places. One of my favourite features in any genre of writing appears frequently thoughout the book, namely, the 16 y.o. teenage fucked-in-the-head first person narrator tells us how to interpret his actions and the emotions he relays, while the author flatters his readers by letting us see straight through the kid (Jaz)'s bravado.

I don't agree with the claim littering the cover. It is much more Holden Caulfield, as the Timeout review points out, than Queer as F or Adrian M. Before this aspect of it seriously occurred to me, I sent Simon a copy via NILE online bookshop for him to read on the flight back from Sydney. But then I remembered he hated Holden's whinging, and therefore the book. Not being a whinger himself and being rather angst-unridden, he might be equally irked by Jaz too. Hope it doesn't spoil his Qantas flight - assuming no holes magically appear in the fuselage between Sydney and London - that'd be such a pest.

It was a good read but I've read better. In a similar vain, Patrick Gale's wilfully entitled The Aerodynamics of Pork and Anthea Ingham's Sebastian's Tangibles, for example. To be honest, Jaz's language annoyed this humble reader so much at the beginning that finishing it seemed as daunting as getting through any of the other unfinished novels of this closing-down summer, namely, Tim Winton's Cloudstreet and Anne Enright's the Gathering. More than keen to read both, but can't focus on anything of that depth just now. Mr Davis' tome was perfect for the unforgivably crap train journeys to and from Budapest. It's a good tale and reminds us that no matter how much we are tolerated (a favourite word ... not) and our rights are enshrined in law, bullying, ostracism, violence, incomprehension and rejection are still part of our lives. Let us not forget that this is set in wordly, modern-day London. Imagine being the only gay in a village! OMG.

Enrolments in Gay English already - how did that happen?

The course is now writ. Got got me a Moodle site, and lots of people have registered - and that's without any advertising! I wonder what people Google to get to it and then fill in the form. There seem to be a few robots filling in the form too, but they were easily deleted. Just need the time now to launch it. Can't wait!